Relationship Counseling San Diego, CA

Do you struggle to develop or maintain positive and satisfying relationships?

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Relationship counseling and therapy can help identify the patterns and obstacles that prevent you from having the type of relationships that you desire and deserve

Do you struggle to communicate or resolve conflict in a way that feels good to you and others involved? Do you find yourself experiencing the same undesired results in a specific relationship? Or perhaps across multiple relationships? Or, maybe you notice difficulty with a specific type of relationship or area in your life. Have you experienced a significant event that has impacted your ability to trust or fully connect with others? Relational struggles can result in decreased self-esteem, substance abuse, anxiety, depression and so forth, as you find it more and more difficult to break the patterns that are detrimental to the connection with those that matter most.

What I want to make perfectly clear is that relationships experience struggles, not just yours.

In addition, “relationship issues” or “relationship problems” are actually just relationship patterns with undesired results. In other words, your “relationship issues” and “relationship problems” are like any other pattern; it just takes one change to start making a difference. The more we remind ourselves that behaviors are learned, the easier it is to remember they can be unlearned as well. Just a matter of using more of what works, and less of what doesn’t. People all over the world experience varying degrees of relationship struggles every day. You are not alone. Again, your relationship struggles are not a reflection of something that is wrong with you… just the results of specific behavior patterns that you have the power to change.

Why Do Most People See A Relationship Therapist?

More often than not, conflict arises because our conflict style(s) does not effectively align with another person; and communication breaks down. As a result, we get frustrated, hurt, or whatever it is, and engage in a behavior that we believe will serve us in some form or another. But, if we can’t communicate, we can’t get what we need. It is at this point when our motivations turn dire and our choice of behaviors become limited. Even if you’re highly skilled in communication, attempting to do so when emotions are running high isn’t too unlike walking through a minefield. All it takes is one misstep…

Seeing a Relationship Therapist Can Help!

Relationship counseling and therapy teaches tools and techniques that promote healthy and solution-focused communication, emotional awareness, safety, and others that are conducive to satisfying relationships. Most importantly, seeing a relationship therapist creates a time and space where it is safe to learn these techniques; without shame or judgement. I will listen to your story and what you have experienced in relationships, and provide support and guidance throughout. Remember, tomorrow only looks like today in the areas we repeat. It’s your story, re-write it how you want.

In relationship therapy, you will learn to:

Why Book a Relationship Therapy Session With Me?

In addition to my specific training in relationships, essentially every client that I have ever worked with has found an additional benefit from incorporating relationship therapy. Whether romantic, familial, platonic, or business, I have worked with relationships throughout my career in a variety of circumstances and treatment settings including school, community-based mental health care, and private practice. I have successfully helped many relationships through improving communication, emotional awareness, and self-esteem; thus strengthening the individual and their connection with others. If you are an individual and are struggling with an issue in your relationship, or have noticed an undesired pattern across multiple relationships (past and/or present) that you want to change, I have specific experience working with that as well and I would love to help!

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to work with relationships; even before I knew I wanted to be a therapist. Whether it was friends dealing with conflict at home, with other friends, or significant others, I loved assisting with overcoming obstacles; and improving patterns when possible. Once I began my professional journey, I committed to utilizing the very practices I would be teaching for my own life; to ensure that I understood what it took to create real positive change in my own relationships before trying to help others. In fact, it was this motivation that led to my graduate thesis; which focused on the correlation between an individual’s personality type and how they approach conflict (conflict management style) in relationships. With my combined knowledge, passion and experience, I will provide you with the skills and guidance to not only better navigate your relational hardships, but feel empowered and confident to use them on your own outside of session.

Are you ready to improve the relationship(s) in your life?

Contact me today to schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation and see if relationship counseling in San Diego is right for you!

MY STANDARD RATE IS $200 PER SESSION (50 MINUTES)
Prefer a longer session time? Just ask for details!

I do not accept insurance but I do offer Superbills that can be presented to insurance companies for reimbursement. Learn more about my rates and insurance.

Here are some typical questions regarding relationship counseling and therapy...

Should we go to relationship therapy? How do I know if I/We need therapy?

In all honesty, no one can answer that better than you. Just ask yourself,

How successful are you in resolving conflicts without assistance?
Are things good, but not as good as they could be or once were?
Has something happened that feels too difficult for your relationship to overcome?
Are there things in your relationship that could cause your relationship to end if not properly attended to?

More often than not, unless it’s a romantic relationship, people wait until things are at a breaking point and their circumstances no longer permit what has become status quo. And that’s if they come at all. Regardless of the type of relationship you have, if you have a relationship with them, they matter to you and you matter to them. For that reason alone, your relationship deserves the best chance at success. For whatever reason, romantic and familial relationships are what people think of as “worthy” for therapy, but relationship therapy is just as beneficial for friendships, business partnerships, divorced parents/co-parenting of any kind, and individuals who are not satisfied by the quality of their relationships (past, present and/or potential future). A relationship counselor and therapist can help prevent and repair conflicts that harm relationships and provide the communication, friendship and trust necessary for a satisfying relationship.

Do you provide relationship counseling and therapy for individuals who are not currently in a romantic relationship?

Yes! Seeing a relationship counselor is not only helpful to couples, but individuals; regardless of whether they are in a relationship at the time or not. Not to mention, seeing a relationship counselor can also assist with familial and platonic relationships as well! Relationship counseling focuses on patterns of individuals in their respective relationships with others; regardless of the specific type of relationship. So, whether you’re an individual seeking help for your current relationship, getting out of your own way in relationships, grieving a lost relationship, or your platonic or familial relationship(s), therapy can help. Seeing a relationship therapist helps improve communication and understanding in relationships, as well as within yourself. So, no, you don’t need to be in a romantic relationship to have relationship therapy. You just have to want to improve the relationship(s) in your life.

Does relationship counseling and therapy work?

People often find immediate improvement because they’ve learned new and often easier ways to problem-solve and reach resolution. This type of immediate improvement is often very motivating and euphoric, and results in the most important element of relationship counseling and therapy; consistency.

Aren’t people who go to therapy weak?

No! Going to therapy is brave, and takes strength. Remember, bravery is not the absence of fear, but the action taken in spite of it. In truth, relationship therapy is good for anything from “we need help now” to “we just want to make sure we are doing things right”. When you get down to it, no one knows everything, and everyone needs help sometimes. So, if you want to improve your relationship, or just make sure it stays as good as it is, relationship therapy can help and has nothing to do with being too weak to do it on your own.

Can seeing a relationship therapist make things worse?

In my opinion, relationship therapy does NOT make things worse. However, the improved communication and emotional awareness that therapy promotes can result in a relationship finally talking about the real reason for their struggles. This can result in increased arguments, or have a new truth be unearthed, and leave a relationship feeling as though treatment ‘made things worse’. The truth is, however, that what was once ignored or unknown is now being addressed… and that’s a good thing. Now there’s a real shot of success, instead of continuing patterns that brought you to therapy in the first place. If this is what’s holding you back from giving therapy a shot, remember that a relationship therapist can help navigate these new waters and provide the necessary support to hold space and promote growth in your relationship, as well as within yourself.

What to Expect in a Relationship Therapy Session?

A premarital therapist can help you and your partner discover and express what is most important in a relationship, so you may enter your marriage with the strong foundation it deserves. Premarital counseling sessions teach effective techniques that promote clear and considerate communication, while avoiding so many of the unnecessary miscommunications that disrupt intimacy and friendship early on in marriages. Additionally, seeing a premarital counselor teaches self-soothing and problem-solving techniques, so that you and your partner can better self-soothe and maintain positive patterns that can lead to a lifetime of happiness. My intention is to be a real person in the room with you that cares about you, and creates a safe space for you and your partner to share all of your current thoughts, concerns, and struggles. Together, we will identify and set goals by determining what you both want for your relationship, marriage, and yourselves; as individuals. Once we have a clear idea of where you are, and want to be, I will tailor treatment to what is most needed for you and your journey towards – and in – marriage; based on your respective Love Languages and Enneagram Tritype and more. By establishing patterns that are both productive and authentic, we can further ensure the lasting change that you deserve and hope for; even well after you have stopped seeing me. Whatever is learned during the session will be practiced between sessions as well, so that we can continue to refine the approach. I utilize various techniques that promote increased awareness, understanding, self-esteem and empowerment within the relationship. One technique that I am specifically trained in that is geared toward the treatment of couples is the Gottman Method, which includes specific assessments and techniques to be used both inside and outside of session; some of which are specific to premarital counseling. I am also currently working towards certification for Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for the treatment of couples and marriages; so that I may be of even better assistance to you on your journey.

Methods I Use in Relationship Counseling and Therapy

Gottman Method

The Gottman Method is an approach to couples therapy that assesses various areas of your relationship and integrates research-based interventions to help couples overcome obstacles and achieve greater understanding, connection, and intimacy in their relationships. In our sessions together, I will use various techniques from the Gottman Method to assess which areas could use the most support and provide techniques that best fit the obstacle(s) at hand. For more information about the Gottman Method for the treatment of relationships, visit the website for the Gottman Method Institute.

Emotionally Focused Therapy

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a structured approach to couples’ therapy developed by Drs. Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg in the 1980s. It is grounded in research while focusing on negative communication patterns and love as an attachment bond. In our sessions together, I will use evidence-based techniques of EFT to improve how you communicate in your relationship, and the love that bonded you in the first place. For more information about EFT for the treatment of relationships, visit the ICEEFT website.

Enneagram

The Enneagram is a personality assessment tool that is extremely useful in improving personal self-knowledge and personality development, offering a powerful tool for self-mastery, conflict resolution, team dynamics, leadership and emotional intelligence. I have been certified in the Enneagram, Enneagram Tritype, and Instinctual Types and Subtypes by Katherine Chernick Fauvre, the creator of Enneagram Tritype; who also just so happens to be my mother. Having grown up around this unique form of personality diagnostics I have applied and studied the Enneagram throughout my personal and professional life, and I am very passionate about using its power to help relationships. I am not only able to help you and your partner better understand each other’s motivations and communication styles, but also provide a better understanding of the very important characteristics that make you YOU. For more information about Katherine Chernick Fauvre, the Enneagram, Enneagram Tritype, and/or Instinctual Types and Subtypes, click the corresponding link(s).

Relationship Counseling in San Diego, CA

If you’re ready to overcome the obstacles in your relationship(s) and learn more about my relationship counseling services, please use the form above or call (858) 634-0502 for a free 15-minute phone consultation.

Spencer Chernick, LMFT
ADHD, Teen & Couples Therapy
5330 Carroll Canyon Rd Suite 120,
San Diego, CA 92121
(858) 634-0502

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